Chalia

Oh Kiya... Sandra....

you dont know how baddly you have just hurt me - to the point of tears.

i waited all of monday, my time, just to tell you something. you never showed. i shurgged it off, then decied to cheack your LJ the next day.

i found that and i was in tears.

you dumped me me, and i cant say that i understand why, but i can have a guess... couse im to over bearing... to much of myself.


i will say this now, though i doubt that you will belive me. why belive me when They have ther claws into you? when ther influancing you?

i never used you.

why is that so hard to say when its the truth? couse the accation that i did, hurts. i do not use poeple. i may want to, but i dont. its not in my nature to use ppl and frankly...


it doesnt matter,.,, all that matters is that you hurt me... and im scared.

your right you know... your fears of destroying whats precious to you is real.

gods.... if only... if only i hadnt been so... so pig headed and not scared to feath of what i was feeling... then maybe... ,aybe i could have been more open/

i...i..i..i love you... i... i really do.

and thats why, last night my time, i had mori do a reading. a reading of you, from a pic of. and she did a reading of nother person..

but... im at lest going to give you a chance to see the reading in privet, please, respond here and then IM and and ill send it to you.

it was a real eyeopener to me, to show me just how much you ment to me. you mean the world to me...

and... i am really, really truely sorry that i ever hurt you if at all, as i never ment to.

all that i am asking is just an hour in IM with you, nothing more, nothing less. I gave you a chance, so the least that you can do, is give me a chance. thats all im asking.

after that, if you still think its all bullshit, ill be gone from your life.

but iot wont stop me from loving you know that i know that i do. nothing will. you can hate me if you want, but i will not hate you.

couse i .... cos i... i.. i love you...

Well... ive done it, ive hit rock bottum in my life and nothing ing bloody working any more. not my anime, not anothing.

I feel like im being boxed in and i miss kiya. i miss her as... to me... shes a good friends. a very good friend.

i relieze now tha the pain of being hurt by Him goes deeper than i thought, and I am not ready - not by a long shot - ready to start up anothing like a realtion ship - AT ALL. thers might tell me diffantly, but i know myself and i know that im not ready.

i wont be ready untill i know its time and then it all will happen. you cant push for something, not if the other person is taking ten stepes back for each steep you takle.

i know that my life is fucked up, but its my lofe, i know myself better thn the lot of you.  caouse i am me and i dont give a shit any more what others think of me.

i amyseld and thats all the ther is to it.

i am an anime fangirl - i have my muses, my main ones, my two Roys, my Fem!Archer, my Kimblee, my ed muse and my greed muses.  Ive alos ways worked on the fact that my roys mother is Xinging and this his father is Amestrian. always.  it hardly ever crops up though, but thats asit not hardly needed, but its there. my greed is from the south of Amestris, how ever you speal that contrys name. my Archer is opure blooded Amestrian and my Kimblee has a bit of Xingina blood in him, though more Amestrain. Kimmys great gran mother was Xing.


 i also need more music and bah - maybe ill go work on that naruto/FMA stuff that i have planed.  dont know yet,.


and yes, i know that my speelings shit, but dont tell me,. i dont care at this point.

Well, ive not being doing much the last few days - mostly in covens - sometimes in name only, but meh.



Ive been chatting with lana a lot lattly - and its getting harder to deny my feelings of lust/love for her. it its more just mutal need really, but im not sure, and i dont really care, what works, works. but i cant aact on them.

as much as i want to, i cant. and it stings as back in the past, me, lana and Fen wher inpartable. we wher a trio and we did play together at times and it was nice, ive cybered with Fen in the room before, and no one really cared - well, He did, but i dont care hwat He things any more, hes no longer part of my life.


I want to cyber with my friends, but i dont want to couse fights tween kiya and I, yet... i think that i know wher i stand with her, i just feel a very strong freindship with her with a hint of lust.  its becomeing clearer to me thats what it is really,.

and... im not really a one operson girl. i just cant be a one person girl. im more a pioly girl and im a bi. i cant live and thrive in a restricting relationship. i just cant.

when i was with  Damien, i was let do what i want, with how i wanted, as long as i kew my place with Him.  if he wanted me, he got me, other wise, i was alowayed to be myself. and i was happy like that.  yes, he might have hurt me and such with his own behind my back cheating m but he atlest let me bemyself and wasnt... clingy.

i did feel a tinge of envy when he was with Brand, but i knew about that and i was fine with it. brands a freind and me and her cybered a few times. im not going to lie - i enjoyed it and i enjoyed the threesoom with me, her and Damien. even if i was pulled into it a bit reluctantly, i was happy. it felt - it felt right. the threesome that is.


and now im starting to get back into my niche in covens and others are worrying for me as im not normally this reseved in covens,. i have been known to be wild at times, flirting and leading the guys on with my tricks. but i cant - im scared that words going to get out and reach Kiya.

kinda pathic really. i mean, i like her as a freind, but,.,, i think thats all. orginally i freinded her as i was looking for more roleplayes, but... she grew on me as a friend and hel;ped me to open up again, and im glad for that,  i really am.  i just... i just see her a freind more than anything now. yes, thers a tiny bit of lust there, but...

im not going to act on it - as i... i dont like clingy ppl. they feel soffacting to me really and i cant deal with that. i cant dea,l with it being full on 24/7.

but, im going to wait a bit longer, just to make sure that what im feeling is right this time. i dont want to lose a freind ship couse of this. 

just like ill hod back my desires for some of my good freinds, like Aqua, Lana, Brand...

My DNA report - huh?







You are an Idealist

As an IDEALIST, you are distinctive for your integration of confidence, imagination, willingness to explore, and desire for competence over style.

You have a strong capacity to comprehend the inner workings of things, finding new ideas and innovative insights to feed your curious nature.

You are quite comfortable in the realm of abstract thought. You don't need a practical solution to every one of life's questions.

You are comfortable with the decisions you make in life. You don't need to second-guess yourself, or seek a lot of opinions before you make up your mind.

You enjoy the routines that you have created in your life, and don't feel the need to shake things up just for the sake of change.

You generally succeed at what you do, and others would describe you as successful.

It is important to you that products be efficient – looking good has to come second to working well.

You aren't the kind of person who needs to collect stylish items in an attempt to create an attractive environment – you know that what matters most is function, not style.
If you want to be different:

You take time to explore your own thoughts and ideas, but this experience would only be heightened if you opened yourself up even more to others' ideas.

Your faith in yourself and your lifestyle is well-founded, but the occasional foray into the unknown might broaden your perspective and help you see things differently.
how you relate to others


You are Faithful

Your trust in others, respect for tradition, and caring nature make you FAITHFUL.

Maintaining a few intimate relationships is more important to you than knowing a lot of people, and you share a lot with your close friends.

Those who have managed to get close to you value your camaraderie, and they know that they can trust you with anything; you're a good listener.

While you can usually see several sides of an argument, you often have a strong opinion as to which side is correct—the order of things is usually clear to you.

Your perspective on the world is based on careful observation, and you know a lot about how people feel in—and react to—many situations.

Your exploration of others' feelings has led you to believe that although people generally act appropriately, having clear social rules is very important to a functional society.

Time alone for reflection is important to you—you are introspective and aware of your own feelings.

Faithful is as faithful does—you expect those with whom you are close to be loyal to you, and you take betrayal of your trust very seriously.
If you want to be different:



Some of the alternate perspectives that you understand may have more value than you give them credit for—keep in mind that right and wrong aren't always so clear-cut.

While you are able to reap the benefits of your time alone, and may see interacting with a lot of people as more tiring than exciting, remember that there is a lot to be learned from experiencing things and not just reflecting on them.

Ok, so I've passed unit one of my course, thats good. Now i'll be starting on unit two sometime to day as dads payed for it already. ^____^

I also have a bunch of stuffs to do before then, so ill focus on getting the other arts out first then while im doing my school work, there wont be much arts out. ^___^

Well, to say that Easter when smoothly would be an understatement, as it did not.

All was fine in the morning. I rose from my slumber and dressed - in my riding outfit of course. I did my hair up in a nice bun - not to sloppy and not to to tight. I was dressing to impress as always. I have to - I am an Archer - the first born Archer, even if I am not a male. Superficial or not, I am who I am - an Archer by blood.

Once we arrived at the Hakura Club, we were met by the Hawkeye-Havocs. Little Elisa took an instant liking to Francis, who was rather quite shy around her. My poor brother. But I suppose that it is only natural as he is still in an all male privet elementary school.

Charlton, I believe, is not that keen on Bianca, but they are starting to warm up to each other. That is good, even if if was arranged by father. but I do suppose that he only desires the best for Charlton. After all, my brother is the first born male.

We went for a horse ride, and, surprisingly enough, Francis stayed on his horse. Father and mother were both so pleased about that, as was Charlton, though I believe that he was more impressed with Biancas' riding skills.

After the riding, we headed into the club for lunch. Lunch was nice. It was a roast meat of some kind, provided by the Halaway Family, the clubs finest hunters. I enjoyed it, and mother and Mrs Hawkeye-Havoc chatted away, much to Fathers embarrassment at times, and Mr Hawkeye-Havocs.

After lunch, Bianca, Charlton and I mingled. Being the Fuhrers daughter has its perks and its drawbacks. Lisandre, the Eldest of the Comache siblings at 24, attempted to sweet talk me again. I politely pointed out that i am not interested, thank you. I quite like another person. he asked me who, and I told him that it was not his business. Then nerve of him, my love life is not for open talk. and I know that if his youngest sister, Rhianna ever got hold of who I like, I would find myself in a VERY difficult situation. That woman is such a gossip.

I introduced Bianca to Paige and Mathias and their father Bartholomew Halaway. Mr Halaway is one of father’s generals. One of the only ones that I like as a person. Matthias is nice as well, but he is enamored with Ducia Cristenburge, a woman from North City.

I left Charlton and Bianca to talk with the trios and I mingled some more. Until one of the Southern guests, Abigail Samir, insulted my hair. My hair of all things. She called it a birds nest. the nerve of her! i spent at least 40 minutes doing it to make it look perfect thank you very much. Did she know who my father was? No, and she did not care even when I told her my name. She is spoilt, but she is the daughter of the famous Southern model, Mrs Lust Samir. So, I shall not waste my breath on a half-ishballan girl. Oh, I know that she is ishabllan blooded, her eyes are red and they are not the red of a Grans eyes. Now, if that was the end of my worries, I would be happy. But it is not.

Alexandria was in tears by the time that we left. Apparently she had a run in with that Gran heir, Raymond. He is vile and rude and very much arrogant. I am glad that I am not related to him. He is also prejudiced, much like his father and grandfather, the late Brasque Gran. Such a nasty boy. Apparently, what he did was insult not only Alexandria’s name and her style of dress and hair, but herself as well.

Mother told Alexandria not to worry, that there well be people like that. Father was very much furious and there was a stern warning sent to the Grans to keep their son away from his daughter.

I swear that I saw Raymond smirking as we left, but It could have been that he had reduced Alexandria to tears.

After Easter, it was back to school. I am starting to open up more around others and lose my Ice Queen mask to achieve more with my classes, though I do so hate cooking, but, it shall help me in the future as i am told, so I shall suffer it,

I have started too sit with Sean at times, and he with me. Though I fear that he feels outcasted amongst my own social group. Most of who are only friends me with because of my fathers status. And when I sit with him, I do feel outcast at times. I was raised to be a proper lady, so it is hard to fit in, but I do do my best. Sean doesn’t seem to mind though. I do not know why.

I have also been on three dates with him though it hard to at times. I must sneak out of the house from time to time. I - I am enjoying myself with him, so I suppose that is good. It - it is also nice to be seen for myself and not as a way to get close to my father or gather favour with him. I have also started to wear my hair down more - in a sorts. I believe that Sean likes it like this, so - I shall leave it.


There have also been rumors of war, but I am not sure, Father does not say much about it. I believe that he does not wish to upset mother, who is three or four months with child. Father is very happy, though it did come as a shock.

I do hope that is a little sister.

And now I must go. I do have homework to attend to.

~~~ Calista Alathea Archer.

coming back from up the street, i saw a pair of magpies. ^___^

well... i had a scare in Covens this morning.

He was in there, i was dong some of my school work and when i looked back in, i say His name on the list.

I frooze, and then i pulled up Lanas yim window for a security blankie, then when AFKish. after i had told myself that i was SAFE, i started to take again in the room.

we only exchanged a few words, and i was civil as was he. but it was hard. im just still so scared of him.

i hate the feeling of fear that he brings back in me. i can litteraly feel his aura, and it makes me so scared at times.

im just glad that Kiyas in the coven now with me and that shes there. it makes me feel safer.

it really does.

Yabked from Lanas [lady_sabrina's] LJ.




I think this is true.

Don't scroll immidately down, answer first then scroll down.


THIS ONE ISN'T A JOKE, IT ACTUALLY HELPS YOU FIGURE OUT A COUPLE OF KEY THINGS,

Either grab a writing utensil and something to write on, or just remember your anwers.

Apparently this is 99.9% TRUE

Don't peek at the answers, cause it ruins it.









1)If your Straight write the first name of a person of the opposite
sex that pops into your head,

if your Gay write the name of the person of the same sex that pop's into your head,

if your Bi write the name of the first person that pop's into your head....
(it has to be the first)





2) Which is your favorite color out of
red, black, blue, green, yellow?






3) Your first initial?








4) Your month of birth?








5) Which color do you like more, black or white?









6) Name of a person of the same sex as yours.









7) Your favorite number?







8) Do you like California or Florida more?








9) Do you like the lake or the ocean more?









10) Write down a wish. (A realistic one).










ARE Y0U D0NE?
iF S0 SCR0LL D0WN.
(D0N'T CHEAT... fool...)
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THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red - You are alert and your life is full of
love.

Black - You are conservative and aggressive.

Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid
back.

Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses
and affection from the ones you love.

Yellow- you are a very happy person and give
good advice to those who are down.


3. If your initial is:

A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in
your life.

L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum
and your love life is
soon to blossom.

S-Z You like to help others and your future love
life looks very good.


4. If you were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and
you will discover that you fall in love with
someone totally unexpected.

April-June: You will have a strong love
relationship that will not last long but the
memories will last forever.

July-Sep: You will have a great year and will
experience a major life changing experience for
the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great,
but eventually you will find your soul mate.

5. If you chose...

Black: Your life will take on a different
direction, it will seem hard at the time but
will be the best thing for you, and you will
be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely
confides in you and would do anything for you,
but you may not realize it.


6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in
your lifetime.

8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

9. If you chose:

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and to your
love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please
people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN
in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday

repost with the title 99.9% true