Stuffs and reply to Invidia

[broken_envy]

Alright, seeing as im being true myself, and saying what i think right now, hers what i think of certain ppl. and im typing this true myself. i cant... i cant type it any other way, so im sorry if its hard to understand at times.  Ivida, part on of my response is here.


Daeva : --

i honestly do respect you and if i had been smarter, i wouldn't have put my foot in my mouth so many times with you. your nice - if at times, from what i can see, a bit judgmental of things. but arnt we all? your art - the older art, i like the best. its better, to me personally, than what i am seeing now. personally, i think that you try a little to hard to please at times with your art. but thats just how it comes across. your older art is what i like. the stuff that looked GOOD and that it would stick in my mind, like Constriction. that was the BEST comic that i had ever read, literally.

your a great artist and a great person, and i do mean this, i am truely sorry if i did step on your toes. i never ment to, but... i am a passive aggressive person and i am stubborn. you also say that im the first person that happy to be retarded? well.. i am happy being me. personally, i dont care of im retarded or not as it makes me. but on the other hand im not at all happy as i consider it a curse of mine.

Forchan : --

mm... this is going to be hard for me... but.... yes, i did step on your toes, and for that, i am sorry. i truly am. i did not steal any of the names. i ripped then out of my novel or the planing sheets that i have. i took them from baby name books and in all honestly, i should not have posted up that list. i dont care of you dont believe me on this - why should you? but i do mean this when i say that i am sorry.

i never ment to offend any one, but i did, and i did step on a lot of toes and then i couldnt let go of my pride. now that i have, i see that im just a an idiot who is to egocentric for the own good.

you seem like a good person, even if my first real impression of you is that well... you are a bitch [ yes, i have called you one at few times when i was angry ]  and no someone to be crossed. im just sorry that i angered you, i never ment to. im sorry.

Yuriko : --

its ironic really, as after talking to you on MSN, and even though i was spilling my guts and talking, you did open up my eyes. i dont know how to thank you, but.. thanks. i guess that i need that different perspective of things. someone that wasnt Invidia. some that can be a bitch, but can also listen and not try and change the subject, but let it all come out naturally, thanks again.

and i am also sorry if i did step on your toes. and about my sister... i had no idea that she was foraying around on MY pc and insulting those whose work i respect. i had no idea. i might have mentioned something to her, but that was it. i never ment for her to go and insult art work. all art work has a soul in it i reckon.

you can be kind, yet you can be cruel. you seem to say it as it is, and i really do admire that.

Phish -

your cool, even if you did lay into me on your LJ and lay into me in the whole thing with names. as i have said early in this, i didnt steal them. i looked them up in books and from my novel. i that i cant prove it, but i did.

your funny, and you seem like a decent person - probably one of the only few that have remained civil to me in all of this. thanks.

and i am really sorry if i did step on your toes. i never ment it, but i did, and then it blew up and i reacted.

everyone : --

had i stoped to think, and NOT react that way i did... things might have been different, but they arnt. im not going to ask for forgiveness. why? i dont have that right in my mind. i screwed up, ill do the sentence, what ever it is. I fucked up royally and then i fucked up again. think what you will of me, but i am really sorry about this - and even if you slander me, i will not slander you. i am not that kind of person - at lest, i do not think that i am.

i might be a vindictive bitch - and, had i wanted to, i could have sort revenge, but i didnt. i didnt see the point in making more fighting.

i... i am sorry if i hurt you all, i really am and i will do my sentace, what ever it is and for however long it may be. its what i deserve after all for stepping on your toes. and i am sorry that this all comes out now, and not then.

im just... im just really sorry. i am. believe me or not, but am really sorry and i do admit that i have faults that are not the best and... * sighs* theres little else that i can say in my defense really.

Invidia: -

im not going to scrap as im showing my self for who i am really. ive said that i can be a nasty vindictive bitch, right? yes, i have.

im being true to myself right now and not hiding behind false maskes of politeness right now.

RPing - if you think that its shit, then i really dont wanna know you. yes, its not RL, but yes, i like it, it keeps me fucking sane and sliping back into what i was before. a cyber slut.

but, if your going to cut off al ties from me, then i'm taking back Sean as the Elric twins are mine. i'm keeping some of my muses from the sec gen RP too. just the original ones that i had in my head.

in terms of RL - thats what a LJ is for or a written diary. i am honestly sick of hearing about IRL for a while. my own isnt that good either, despite what i say. i try to keep my mind off it by RPing and diving into fantasy. why? as its who i am and its how i cope when its all going to hell in a hand basket.

i will find Kagome and ask her. and phishy for the logs as well. i want to know... as i feel that i have a right to know. even if it hurts, i want to know. its who i am.

i will respond to the rest of this when im not frustrated as hell with the fact that i want to say so much more, but i cant.

so, stay tuned for part two.

Comments

What a coward.

[invidia1988.livejournal.com]

Then do not know me. I thought I could fucking talk to you about something that was very scary for me.. if you want to be a fucking bitch all over again then go ahead. I do not need your bullshit when my own life bites the fuck out of me.

As for being a vindictive bitch.. you know nothing about being one. I have really been calm towards you. But since you want to rant and rave about how I am being why not confront me on msn you little coward instead of relying on this fucking message system to spare you from my rage..

Forchan was right you know. You are an insensitive self-centered egotistical bitch who thinks nothing other then for herself... I do not always want to role play.. I would like to develope friendships with the people I rp with. If you use rping as your way to cope then so be it.. hide in your fantasy world.. I talk to people to vent my own frusterations cause I usually need their support to tell me it is going to be fine.

You have aspergers syndrome alright.. but as far as I am concerned you do not have any comprehension for anemia..

I am physically ill.. so when episodes of fainting or when it is being more noticable happens then of course I am not going to role play.. I am too busy helping myself get better!

And I think I am going to start all over on here and find some new friends who can take my problems if you do not want to hear my cries for help when I need them the most..

Go ahead and be your vindictive bitchy-ness I don't need the role playing apart of my life to make me feel anything I have friends in my chat that care more about me then you do.

Speaking of my chat do not come in anymore.. I already gave my channel guardians the word to ban your ass.

I am severing our ties if you cannot stand a bit of my problems and give me a strength more to deal with them.. then fuck off.

Also I find this all empty. I prefer people to actually talk to me instead of hide behind your fucking messaging systems. Nice note on aim btw.

Sinfully Kiya ~ I want my contacts deleted from you. Fend for yourself now.

[goldphish-bowl.livejournal.com]

and phishy for the logs as well.

ain't got no logs. i don't save them. i'm lame like that.