(no subject)

I hate this, not being able to say No to anyone.

why do i keep trying to believe that hes changed, when he hasnt.

its becouse im a stupid girl that why. im stupid and foolish and i dont deserve the happyness that i should get,.

but i do. i do deserve to be happy, and with him back in my life..


i dont why i let him talk to me again, when i should have been more of the Ice Queen to him. should have, should have, should have, should have. should have don this, done that. but....

no,,, i cant klook back. ive got to move on.

i can not allow myself to be hurt again.


i say thatm, but then i just slide and fall back into the trap.

i am happy, i am.

i have things that are worth living for, thingsthat are worth fighting for and to say that i dont is false.

but....

i feel so alone.

and i dont want to be alone anymore.

but i am. i havent let anyone get to know me, i mean really know me... not scince she dumped me.

i'm still hurting for that, and i know that she will say good.

but i havent done anything to be deserving of this.


not at all, and i want it to stop.

i try and leave the past alone, let it lay, but this is happening and i am getting scared. i dont know who to turn to, who to trust and i am scared.

yes, me, the one that so proudly sya that im not scared of anythi9ng, is scared.

i am sick of trying to be someone im not and its got to stop.

i cant live in a fantasy world any more. my dreams and such are just dreams. nothing more.

i am not special in any know of way, i dont want to be cought up in some hoobledly gook shit.

i just want to live my life and i will.

I will live my life the way i want to.

(no subject)

Damnit Damien
!

thers a reason that i didnt wanna talk to you, but did i listen to my self?

no! i didnt!

fuck it, no im having my doubts about my chosen path and its ALL YOUR FAULT!

i hate you! i hate you!

it was a mistake! a mistake to talk to you again!

i hate you with all my being!


i will not... i will not let you get a hold over me!



go screw yourself as i dont believe in you any more.


you wont screw me over again.

(no subject)

life sucks at times.

just one let down after another and i really dont know why i bother at times.

its not my fault im messed up, really.

its Damiens fault.

i let him in and he uses it againast me, playing mind games with me.

i shouldnt trust him, i dont know whay i let him talk to me again.

i think that i felt sorry for him. he said that he'd chamged, yet i dont trust him at all.

i dont trust anyone.

and thers there Sandra, my Ex girlfriend. she dumped me rather harshly and she still carries the bitterness that she used to dump me.

i'm having doubts and i dont know what to do.

more latter.