RANTISH THING
Apr. 2nd, 2007 10:13 amthe one thing that i hate about having aspergers syndrome is this:
when ever i try to put myself in someone elses emotional state, i get a big fat message from my brain that says
WTF ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO! THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE!
and i want to be able to help others to understand there feelings,. but when i try, i get this message. its like im trying to understand something ALIEN to me.
then again, to me, most of the world is ALIEN. i dont understand social things, my life is basically the internet and i have very few in rl friends.
its no wonder that half the time i dont feel good enough. its as i feel emotionally unavailable to my friends and to my family. though my family make for it with understanding my ticks and sighs.
i have the strangest sense of humor, i laugh at things that others dont and i dont get the subtle jokes. it annoys me and i want to be able to change it,
but then again, i dont, i like who i am. i like being diffrent, i like myself - even if half the time i wish that i didnt have AS. >___>
but the thing is, i want to be able to understand the subtle signs, the emotions of others, i dont want to be seen as uncaring, when im not, im VERY caring. i just have trouble expressing that in a lot of cases. and it shits me off as i have all things that i wanna say/do, but i cant, as i have ZERO idea if its appropriate or not. its probable what takes me so long to get to know someone and get up the courage to enter a fandom that i like. of course, but then its usually just as every one else is moving on or something like that.
*sigh* i guess... that i just feel like im always left behind in the dust. ;_____;
but then again, sometimes the back is better than the frount of the pack. ^___^ thers more to see at the back.
well, to me there is. >___>
and damit, now im on a talk about me streak. NUUU! i should not do that. >___> Even if i do want all the lime light for myself right now. >_____>
STROKE MY EGO!
when ever i try to put myself in someone elses emotional state, i get a big fat message from my brain that says
WTF ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO! THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE!
and i want to be able to help others to understand there feelings,. but when i try, i get this message. its like im trying to understand something ALIEN to me.
then again, to me, most of the world is ALIEN. i dont understand social things, my life is basically the internet and i have very few in rl friends.
its no wonder that half the time i dont feel good enough. its as i feel emotionally unavailable to my friends and to my family. though my family make for it with understanding my ticks and sighs.
i have the strangest sense of humor, i laugh at things that others dont and i dont get the subtle jokes. it annoys me and i want to be able to change it,
but then again, i dont, i like who i am. i like being diffrent, i like myself - even if half the time i wish that i didnt have AS. >___>
but the thing is, i want to be able to understand the subtle signs, the emotions of others, i dont want to be seen as uncaring, when im not, im VERY caring. i just have trouble expressing that in a lot of cases. and it shits me off as i have all things that i wanna say/do, but i cant, as i have ZERO idea if its appropriate or not. its probable what takes me so long to get to know someone and get up the courage to enter a fandom that i like. of course, but then its usually just as every one else is moving on or something like that.
*sigh* i guess... that i just feel like im always left behind in the dust. ;_____;
but then again, sometimes the back is better than the frount of the pack. ^___^ thers more to see at the back.
well, to me there is. >___>
and damit, now im on a talk about me streak. NUUU! i should not do that. >___> Even if i do want all the lime light for myself right now. >_____>
STROKE MY EGO!