bleh

Jul. 3rd, 2007 09:16 pm
broken_envy: (Default)
Ok, so im sitting here with my heater on, in Covens, chatting with random passerbys and going though my LJ tagging enterys.

now im starting to wish that i wasnt, as its getting me wrilled up again.

god knows that it was stupid, but.. the past is the past and i really shouldnt let shit over a bunch of names get to me.

i shouldnt. but i do.

ive been f-locking my stuff now so that now one can go off at me. i dont like that at all. couse it just makes me whant revenge, and im not allowed to have those kinds of thoughts. not at all.

why? as then it upsets the balance in me and stars to bring forth ShaoLin AKA Zhao, the darkness in me. and that would be bad. she doesnt like to be disturbed at all that much, but it happens from time to time.

i deal with it though, i have to. just like i have to deal with bein a gt a meduim and other stuff of top opf being a shadow walker.


somedays its not far that this all happens to me, but then i think that its my blessing and my curse. i need need to buy new gloves and soon, i cant keep avoicing touching stuff thats not mine.

i also wanna get a reading by mori done for me, but... the times not right yet. i have to wait a bit longer still.

i also what mori to take a look at kiya - im worried about her. im scared for the person that i have feelings for. though i dont know what yet, i just know that i really, really like her. a lot.

im scared at times by it as its strange for me. but ill work it out. i always do.


Lana, Bear and Faerie friended me tonight and im going to see if i can get DN to - when and if i see her at all.

and value and i trust them with my lives... and i just want them top see me for who i am. really, in all aspects of my life.

Fish called me wise, as did rose. but am i really? i mean, all i am is myself and i say it how i see it.

thats how i am...

but anyways, i hope that DN or Angel are on tonight before i have to run of at like three AM in the morning.

doesnt matter though, ill leave a message on DN's yim with my LJ link.

anyweays, im in a good mood, so ill leave you all with some songs to grab from here.


Killingloneliness by H.I.M, All that i've got by the Used. and Feel by Robbie Willaims
broken_envy: (Default)
well, im back at home and when im not to lazy, ill update my LJ with a back looged entery of what esle happened.


but for now, i have work to do, timelines to type up, Naruto to download and lots of other nice stuff.
broken_envy: (Default)




Taken from [personal profile] invidia1988   's LJ.

I began writing this on your sorry note Emma.

Initially I already forgave you personally, but want to put it out in writing as well.

Also... I can't believe I got into a hissy fit over a name.. if you want to use Kiya then go ahead it won't bother me anymore, and more of an honor to share a simular reaper like character. Thats how I should feel and not let others fuel my jealousy and for not wanting others to use something.

Sure Kiya has a major history to me as more then just a name.. but when it all boils down to.. it's nothing more then that. and I'm the idiot for allowing those stupid thoughts raise in me. I should never base a fucking name over a friendship, and that is truly childish.

It would be like getting upset everytime I meet someone with the same name as me. it's a stupid fight and it should have never really happend. character names come and go.. but friends last longer then a fad.

I'm angry more at myself for allowing myself to get this way. and for anyone else that reads this and have not read up on AS I can post my own little thing.

Some people who can't express their feelings and their appreciation for someone all that well. Sometimes it is more of a compliment to use the same things rather than an insult. simular art is a compliment to someone elses.

I am not perfect either but I'm not going to let a simple name choose over being friends with someone.

It is harder for autistic people to say sorry I would know this being friends with someone that has not only autisim but aspergers and johnson's disease. I do feel that in some cases you should get to know the person more before you make grand dicisions to alienate them from you as a friend.. to break off everyone around them is more devestating then a fight.

I sadly have done this to a friend of mine and I'm glad she forgave me. An autistic friend is more then enough to ask for, Emma and Katy have taught me to be more patient with people and not so over demanding like I use to be.

I've given Katy a backbone and Emma has taught me more.. compassion for others. so it is a win / win situation. none of you realize what you are giving up as a friend.. Emma has only made a few mistakes and stepped on some toes. alot of toes.


in this whole issue I am on no ones side.. I'll remain that way. but if I do have to pick sides.. I think I would choose Em's I hardly know anyone here and that is more then enough reason to stay beside her. I fight over my own feelings alot and still can't break to not love her. She is starting to fall into that category like katy did as more of a sister when it comes to things like this.

I am sorry to all of those that have had the initial names taken, and I agree that it shoudln't have gone that far but this goes back to fighting over names. I got angry over something trivial yes it can be the end of a friendship just because some people don't want to share it. I have already did my apologizing to everyone for it.

Emma has apologized choose to forgive her or not.. I highly suggest forgiving her.. cause you don't know what can happen these days.. one minute you could honestly hate her enough to wish something bad.. and it might happen and you'll blame yourself internally all your life..

This again has happend to me.. but I will never forgive the person that brought on how much I hate him..

But the initial name fighting is.. everyone allows one thing to get out of hand and ends up costing friendships? what the hell on this.. it reminds me too much of a bad soap opera.. and I watch bad soaps.. if we're all 19+ then we really should act more like it.. I'm not calling anyone stupid or childish really.. I'm just saying we shouldn't allow something like this eat at us and piss us off to no end. it isn't worth fighting over.

Just because something has the same name does not mean it is the same character and what not. it takes a personality to give birth to that character and Daeva, forchan, and phishy you all have already put your personalities into your characters no one can copy those at all. Nor will it happen.

me and broken have put our persona's into our characters so that is all that there is to know. I have no real say in any of how this turns out. I just hope I don't get alienated for speaking up on something initially pointless. you all let something like this get in the way of a friendship, and honestly I feel dissappointed in that. I let myself get dragged into the denial and blame of who stole what when there was no real stealing involved.

You do have to be patient with autistic people you never really know they can turn out to be the best of friends. and I hope no one read anything I said as insulting it never was to be an insult of any kind I'm just saying that all of us can do a little better and say that instead of doing another bad thing we could help broken instead of bite her head off >> could have provided her with name generators or inform me to pursuade her not to use something.

I would have never known anything about this if it hadn't had been for forchan. Which does leave me to one last pissy note.. you all do have me on your list now and I also don't want everyone to be afraid of me.. but go ahead and talk to me on these issues. if there is something you don't want used then let me know x.x; right now I'm one of the few links to talk to her.

I am her friend right? and she does listen to me. I am after all the final editor of what stays and what goes in anything. sometimes I just nod along to what she says but I will watch for more simularities now. we will not be posting anything rp related on our respective life journals and use them more for talking, fiction writing, and real life issues. It all comes down to everyone to forgive and try to forget now. I have forgiven broken already.

is there anyone out there that agree's that yes we did go a little too far?



I have just read this and i have to say that she does speak the truth with AS and how HARD it is to say sorry. i.... i really go this in deep about myself - you know why? because i CAN NOT trust. i can not trust. i have never been about to trust at all.

i like things and my way of saying that i like it to try and mimic the stlye for a bit. i see names that i like, i'll take them as i like them and to me, seeing someone else using the same name is a complement - if i know them and what not. and even then, i could care less. its just a Name.

i know that i can hold on to things, get pissy about them, but at the end of the day, sometimes i could careless about than i did when i woke up. there just fads. and to me, as some who A0 has had no friends for most of her life - not counting those that i know threw my mum and dad and family. and B) as one that has been removed from groups before, i just say this.

to those that are going to bite my head off even more, go die in a fire. i really couldn't care what harmful words you say to me, as to me, i've had worse at school with teasing and bullying and the like. the ONLY person that EVER stood up for me at school was my younger sister and her friends. my sister, Zoe, she beat up a boy two years older than her for teasing me, taunting me with my lunch box and hitting me on the head with it calling me a spastic freak. she was in grade eight, i was in grade 9. and you know what? i just SAT there taking this teasing an abuse and not knowing what i had done 'wrong' all i was doing was drawing and being myself. my sister made sure each day at lunch time that she was always near enough to help me if i need it. i am VERY much gratefully to here.


another thing about AS is this. i do not think like 'normal' people. i know that i fuck all typing skills and what not but i do try to be correct - im just lazy with typing. i type as i think and... it mimics the way that i talk as well. i.... i have trouble saying what the fuck i mean at times. you think its EASY livening like this? having SO much to SAY and then you cant as you cant form the worlds that you wanna say? you try being me for a week and then tell me what it feels like. to have emotions that you cant express that well, to have feelings inside you that you know are there, but you cant get them out. to deal with the FRUSTRATION of living in a world where so much emphasize is placed on being normal. look thru my eyes for ONE WEEK, i DARE you and you will see that the world is a VERY different view from here.

I see a strange world and all i hear is other talking and they not make sense to me. i try mu hardest and and i try to strive for all that i can. i want to be myself in this world, but then we get people that i highly doubt have EVER made friends with some who has AS or autism that judge and then, to me, bully there way thru to the person. and then when the pesron attempts to EXPLAIN, they say that they cannt understand them and that dont care anyways.

i find that not only INSULTING to me as a human being as i put effort into attempting to understand them and they dont give me the same common curtsy,. or so i feel. oh, this person knows who they are, i'm not naming names here.

but still... this is madness and those involved in this know who they are.

i have said that i am sorry and that i do mean it.


and i want to know where someone got the ideas that i helped co create FMA - i DIDNT! i based all my characters off two fricking animes - pokemon at its height and digimon at its hight. i based some off songs that i heard, like Bitch ect. you cant fake that. nor can you fake older drawing styles and such.

i rarely date my work. you know why? as i see it as inane and pointless in my eyes and i HATE pointless things,. to me, there a waste of time. i only do it if someone askes me to. i give things to others for safe keeping, like a book that i have with me no. it has early pieces of my writing it and some of my own editing as well. my nana wanted me to try and date everything that i did in that book. so i did. i just put the year.

but still, others dont believe that and that both hurts me and it makes me sad, as i DO put my heart and soul into each creation that i do. each piece that i write. and some times, its the only way that i can express my emotions.

but at the end of the day... if your going to allient me, just do it. it doesnt really bother me that much. but i can this this - if you do,. your no better than those that i have faced at high school and at school with there groups. you will have, in my eyes, acted like childern.

and to certain someone, i say this. ever heard of giving naming generators or suggesting other names and NOT going on a rant? it would have made thing easier and if you had been more considerate maybe and tryed to help with finding other names, then perhaps this would have blown over. but as you didnt, i now firmly think that you do not have any friends that has AS or a form of autism.

oh, and im also posting this up on [community profile] asperger as well.

oh and by the way, i dont mean to sound like a bitch, but... if i do, i do. it its just not ment that way.

Stuffs.

Apr. 22nd, 2007 10:34 am
broken_envy: (Default)
For amandaorchard and Invidia1988 to read and respond to.

well... basically, ive been bunnied for this RP that takes place in mine and Invidias RP World that involves two/three of who ebver you feel comfy RPing as coming to mine and Invidias RP world - via Zac and his misplaced alchemy attempts.

anyways, basically, the gate drags your guys through to our side of the gate - in front of Sean, Calista, Ryan and Zac - the parents would be upstarts talking ect.

just let me know what you think, ok guys?

and we can do it over LJ or however you want to do it. im not picky.

please comment the both of you. ^___^




and now some sillyness quoted from Goldphish_Bowl LJ. i hope that the phish doesnt mind me sharing it around. ^___^

you can find the orginal thing http://goldphish-bowl.livejournal.com/17332.html#cutid1




and now i must to a post about the Rift Jumpers. i feel headaches coming on - mmm... Archers vs Archers vs Archers vs Archer... wonder if i can draw Charlton, Francis, Cassidy, the two Leons and Richard. mm... i might work on a small fic for them too. >__>

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broken_envy

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