Its always the same these days... im wondering, nothings catching my attention any more and im listening to the same handfull of songs over and over again.
i cant get a person of my mind, and to be frank, i'd rather not. why? couse its all thats keeping my head about the insanity thats in my life. they killed the lonelness in me, yet now its back.
bah, i dhouldnt go on like thbis about one person that i really did love, but fucked up my chance with her.
my body hurts too and i need to go to the docs. i had a blood nose today for no reson at all. the last time i had that was when i was about 6 and my hands wher cover in blood from it.
then again, this is the end of a transtion with Saturn moving into a new star sign. been the hardest two years of my life. three years i think. im not sure. lots of things are happening and im scared. i keep having the same dream as well, what little that i can recall of it - blood, lots of blood and thers panic and screaming and faer as well. it scares me and twice now, ive woken up in a cold sweat.
in other news, ive found my art soul again and im doing likes of drawings, posting some up on DA, some not. im not sure if im going to go back to Y!Gallery at all. i think that i will, eventually, but not right now.
not when nothing feels right. nothing feels right and im always in pain now. Mori says that i NEED to go to the docs, but i have no money.
*sigh* and i'm turning 20 in less than a week. im not going to be a teen any more and thats scaruing me. ive leaving some part of my lif and im scared that ill fuck up the next stage in my life.
* sigh* oh well, ill mange to get throw, i always do. i might have a weeakraor and bite, but i have VERY big will to shine. a will to get wher i want to be going to.
and no, im not posting an art or stuff up on this thing again,. this going to be a jurnal from now on. its my space out here, wher i speak my mind. i really, really dont care if you like me at all. if you dont like me, then doing to read my LJ.