Just stuff that hapened on AIM today when i was venting / not venting my feelings over messes and then a bit of something else. not proofed as i am drained, and tired and i need sleep.
w4k1ngw0und3d (12:09:55 PM): ok so i'm on lifejournal looking at things and reading and you posted more posts and um isn't invidia your friend? so why are you suddenly saying nasty thing? i'm lost again
firstname.lastname@example.org (12:13:11 PM): shes not my friend any more... she an i have had a falling out. i cant deal with her IRL stuff all the time. i cant deal with it being tossed at me and pretend that i care after two gours of that. i cant do that any more. yes, i do care, but up to a certin point in mundane things
w4k1ngw0und3d (12:13:53 PM): wow. not caring about someones life is liek...i dunno, wishin them ded or somethin. i can see how it would be boring thogh
email@example.com (12:14:58 PM): yea 0i do care, but only up to a certin point
firstname.lastname@example.org (12:15:13 PM): and shes push the point to far with me
email@example.com (12:15:44 PM): i talk about the bad stuff, yes, but i dont talk about all the mundane things
firstname.lastname@example.org (12:16:14 PM): l;ike when i hurt my toe, i dont suddenly go [ OOWW! i hurt my toe' or something like that
email@example.com (12:16:20 PM): she does and it... it annoys me
w4k1ngw0und3d (12:16:21 PM): i do that sometimes! like when you see a roahc and yur grossed out and have to shrare!
firstname.lastname@example.org (12:19:16 PM): yea, but not all the tim. not like the most mundast things
w4k1ngw0und3d (12:19:38 PM): peopl like talking about their lifes. it makes them feel important and like people care. but talking about it allthe time is boring your right
email@example.com (12:21:35 PM): yea... i talk about my life, but not all the time. i dont like to be bord and sit here after two hours going ' i dont really CARE! change the subject please'
w4k1ngw0und3d (12:22:40 PM): animes are more fun than rael life anyeay. ther's super poers and things like that. i want to live in an anime
firstname.lastname@example.org (12:24:23 PM): ^___^ yea, anime is so much more fun, and i have my muses free running and she doesnt. its like when my muses pop up for a suptani=ous RP, she gets annoyed. or so i feel.
my feelings are this:
yes, i do care about your IRL, but not the the point wher i wanna know every littel single thing. it annoys me. very much so. i can honsetly only say that i can stand talking about IRL for about two hours at times and then i start to get bord. i try and change the subject subtlly, but it doesnt work.
now, dont get e wrong here, Invidia. i should have sent you that email, but i didnt. i dont know whay, but i think its as im used to dealling with things out into the open. its the way that i was brought up . i heard all my mother and fathers fights when i was kid, and so i learned that it's ok to call things up out of the past, to aruge out in the open.
if you didnt like any of the plots, you could have told me to stop. but you didnt - only once with that shinigami thing. and i did stop.
yes. your huanted, but so am i. i have had night mares arising about Damien that i dont want to recall. i dream about him finding me, and then talking me and making do all that was done online. mental fuckery is not good, but as i have told you, you have to push yourself to over come it.
to tell the truth, i was very edgy in the start of the Hunter RP with Sinclairs's mental maniptaion of Eddie. but still i played on, making myself go thru it, working out my own personal demons as i whent.
and your the only person that really knows alot about me. a lot of me.
yes, we say things when we are angry. why? i dont know, its just in a humans nature to , i guess. im not making any excuses for what i said, those alot of it i regrete now, just like i cant change the past with Daeva or Forcan - however much i wish to. yesm, its hurts to be laughed at behind your back, but i woyuld have forgiven them as its in my nature, i have for given them. but still i respect them and i dont - i dont go into ther galleryes. but if i do see work that i like of them on DA or Ya!Gallery - i comment. why? as i like it. i comment and i fave on what i like, regardless of who drew it, who wrote it ect. its who i am.
you say that your scared to piss me because i have 'those' pictures? Well - hers a warning: i found them, and i know where they are, but, vindictive i may bem, i am not cruel. had i wanted to/felt the need to. i would have already go into animelab and found Xion and given them to you and made up lies. but i didnt. why? i dont feel the need to. had i wanted to, i could post then up on the net. i havent.
im not cruel. im a bitch, yes, but i am not cold and cruel.
yes, you do annoy me with your endless talk of IRL. i do care, but i dont care to here lots, and lots of talking about IRL. A] it annoys me, and B] i cant really understand whay. i mean, yes, you want friends, but you also have to relieze trhat not every one whants to here your life story or what your doing every thrre mins or so.
i am not sorry that i called you up on your writing, as it annoys me when you do rabbit on and im sitting here going ' ok... so... WHY? havint you goten this all writen up?' to myself, to dam polite to say it to your face.
i do care about you, but in lite of recent events, its doubtfull that you will read this.
on the RPing side - RPing is NOT shit. for some, its a stress relief - like for me. i use it to escape from the daily grind, yes, i talk about things to someone, but i do not rabid on and on an on about them as i do not wnat to bored others. and to me, at times, thats hat it does feel like/ TMI is a bad thing.
i honsetly to value as a friend, but at times, you are to much and to annoying for me. at times, you go and on about something that i do not want to hear aboyut. yes, i care that you are ill, no, i do not want to hear about how it affects you other than that you have to cut down on hours on the net. yes, i care that you nearly dies, no, i dont want to hear how many shades of whate you turned. to know that you nearly dies and where very, very pale is enough for me. my mind can fill in the blanks.
i DO miss talking to you and my muses so miss you. you are, to me, the best RPer that i have had. yes, my Edvy muse is going bleh, but this only as i am personly currently edvyd out. i do want to fish the RPs with you - esply the secon gen, and i have offered to skip ahead to the fourth of july / Ryokos miscarrige and then skip to the imortant stuff. i myself find it easire to focause when i have a million things to do. why? its just who i am.
when you say stop stressing, im like, in my head ' why? im not stressing dammit!'
hwo ever, you would prefer, we can start the secon Gen all over again, with fewer charaters and another person or few. i myself want to finshe it as it was instresting. how ever, if you dont want to, i'm going to start a come with all the profiles, and let others steep into fill the gaps, if they wish to.
i have started to find other RPers too... but by far the best i have had is you.
yes, you bloddy annoy me at times and wont shut up about IRL at times - no, i dont wanna hear your life story every time we talk. i want to talk fandomes, i want to beable to have my muses start impromtupe RPS.
i know that i did come off as harsh, but was getting things odd my chest. in all actall fact, i should have priveted it. but i didnt. i wanted you to see what i was thinking.
i... im sorry.
whty is tht so hard to type? because its true and i never wanted any of this, but i cant change time and the past. nore do i ask for a secon chance, as i dont deseve on.
i.. i.. i just... io just want you to understand - if you wan. other than that, i dont really. sentance me and i will carry it out.