Apr. 1st, 2007

broken_envy: (Default)
Edit] And im posting this at 11.50 am Aus time and XP I feel better, but im still posting the rant. As I want it to be READ!

And commented on.
And no, im not going to cut it, im not cutting any of the rants that I go on - even if there like four word pages long.
Sorry if I offend or clog up F-lists.


Ok, so my PC is bitching and so am I going to have a big long bitch.

I need to. With my net playing fuck me around. The time is 7 am in the morning on sunday – aussie time. and I have no clue when im going t post this, other that its going to be a fucking long rant. And if I feel like it when I post this, I might cut the rant at midway point. Might not. Depends on my mood.

I just need to get this off my chest.

And if used of swearing and profanity offend you, don’t read. Though when I swear, I mean what I say. That’s just me.

First things first, I hardly love edvy any more. I’m starting to see Ed with Ling more and more. Im sorry, but that’s a fact, a gender switched Ed. I don’t care if I hurt anyone’s feelings. Im going to be blunt and frank and a bitch.

So if im going to offend you, then don’t fucking read. That’s all.

Ive kept my growing liking for Ed/Ling hidden – namely so that I wouldn’t hurt a certain persons feelings, but now, you know what? Screw that. Im going to have my little bitch fit and be all pissy and cold hearted. I am starting to see more and more EdLing – namely a Girl!Ed/ling. And im starting to drift back to my OTP Roy/Ed. Yes, I never stoped liking them. Their my first love of FMA. I don’t care if its statutory rape or whatever as here in Aussie, the age of consent for sex is 16. that’s what im basing it on.

Ed/Ling is also possible, namely as I can see Ed going with Ling for whatever reasons he has. Edvy is… well… to put it bluntly… the only thing that keeps me to Edvy is the fact that if I want, I could put Envy as a female and get him preggy with Eds kids. Ditto for Ed. That’s all really.

And another thing… I crave RPs whenever, I don’t rely on my fucking moods to RP.

Dammit, its fucking Role play, to me it’s the same as acting, only typing it in words. You don’t have to be in the mood to act, so to me, why should you have to be in the mood for a sadist RP? Ive done sadistic when im in the most calmest mood that you know of. After all, I have this mind set that says ‘ yea, im going to be that, that and that’ and I stick to it.

And on the same rant vein, another thing that I hate is this,. When im on AIM RPing and talking to the person on MSN and suddenly they ask me what direction to take the RP in, I get so fucking frustrated as it just annoys me to no end. I don’t wanna know your dramas for deciding whether or not to go with calm, collected Archer or bastard!Kimblee. I wanna be surprised. I wanna have to think of what to reply to next in the RP and not deal with OOC dilemmas in what to do for the role that you’re playing. Im sorry if I have offended, but that is just me. And right now, im telling it as it is.

Oh, and another thing I hate – no LOATHE to the core of me is when say two muses get into a fight – ie: yours and mine - one of the muse-owners rushes into to save the day. I hate that, say muse A sets fire to muse B instead of having Muse C putr it out or whatever, the muse owner ruses in to save the day. For fucks sake, their fucking muses. They come back to life. Get over yourselves and stop coddling them. And if they want to duel then don’t step in and give such and muse a better weapon than the other muse has. Get one of the other muses to give me the same weapon. For god sakes, its like a role play, only not formal! You don’t go inserting yourself into a RP now do you? Unless your incredibly STUPID and self-centred that is.

The only exception I like is when you HAVE to interact with the muses. Something like this:

Silver: Whines Why did You have to use me as an example? I have things to be stealing.
ME: Shut up and just do as you’re told, Silver.
Silver: yes, Ma’am.

Or when your muses do thinks that you don’t really agree with, and you don’t want to be associated with them. Or when you don’t want them to go bugging for Crossovers and shit – NOTE: I do NOT think that crossovers are shit. I like them, I find them enjoyable, but only if both partly are willing. - as they want to play with another’s muses that they would not normal play with. Its fine if you have the time, but other wises its annoying. And I have one fucking bastard annoying muse called Rhys Kimblee that wants to bring one of someone who I look up to in the art world – muse into his world for an ‘extended’ stay. Im against that as I know what the muse means. Kidnap and run off to have porn with until he gets bored and then toss the muse away and forget that he dragged the poor other muse into his world. Im not letting that happen. As much fun as it would be im against it as I don’t like doing that sort of stuff to unwilling muses. And I wont be doing it either. And if my muse does do it, ill kill them in a way where they will NOT come back to life. I have don’t it before to muses.

Something along the lines like that. Normally, im just this big unknown voice to the muses that live in muse-world. Im not there with them unless I need to be, or I want to be with my favoured muses. Other than that, im the Creator, this big mysterious thing that yanks on them when I need them. And who they send all the ideas to.

Im not going to name any names, not yet. I don’t feel that cruel and heartless.

And on the same vein as RPing, I have over 17 muses that I have to play just for one RP – to >b>MANY I just want 5-6 muses. I want in this order : Ryoko, Zac, Rhys, Calista, Charlton and Greed. I want to bring others into the RP to help ease the strain on me. Im also a writer and I have a novel to write and that has 6 – 8 main muses that are feeling VERY neglected. Im willing to sit down with each possible candidate, share logs and data and then bring them in on the RP. It would be so much easier on me, as then im not stressing out all the time.

Again, im sorry if I have offended, hurt any ones feelings, but as I said, im being a bitchy lioness right now.

And now, back to my rants on pairings. >D oh, and if you haven’t figured it out, im not cutting this as I feel like a hateful bitch right now. But to spare your f-lists, ill cut it here. Maybe.

To tell the truth, im starting to get bored of it. I still like it… then again, I don’t. im starting to ship more and more to Archer/Roy, Greed/Kimblee, Archer/Kimblee and Archer/Kimblee/Roy. I don’t know why, but I I like the dynamitics that I see in there, the abuse of power/ misuse of military conduct gets me. I can see Archer forcing Roy to uke to him and Kimblee. I can see Roy squirming his way into Archers life and then Archer no letting go of the powerful flames, and in the threesome, I can see Archer wanting both alchemists as his. Just as hes a power-hungry bastard. I mean, he went after Kimblee, so what’s really stopping him from going after Roy? Nothing in my mind.

But still… I feel like I have to like Edvy still, even if I don’t. Its drifting for me. Its moving on. And im sorry be blunt and open like this. But then again, im not.

Maybe its to do with the fact that I have, all up, just over 30 RP muses that I portray. More than half are from my sec gen RP that I do with Kiya. i cant keep up and im falling behind, sliding to my comfort zone of five or six muses.

And it certainly does not help that I have been bitten in the ass with the very first RP kids that I created, WAY back in June last year after seeing that ep of Roy and Archer and Kimblee on the train. But back then I didn’t have the guts, or the courage to seek out any other RPers,. So I developed them, and then stuck them in to storage. Almost 5 mths later, I found Dae's work, I was hocked on Edvy then, to scared that my OT3 would be rejected. So I hid and created Zac and Sean – my gate baby twins of the Elrics. That are, in fact, Sin. They just don’t bear the mark as their not mature. They where born of Fem!Envy, age 7 they went thru the gate back into Shamballa. While in the gate, they’re genetics where screwed around with turning Zac into a pseudo gate, and Sean into a sort of switch. There twins and they go to together, in my very first draft, I had them as VERY close – to the point of kissing and what not. But I had to modify that as I didn’t want to offend the RPer that I talked into playing Sean. Of course, Seans gone off in a different direction that what I wanted, same with Ryan.

Yes, I did almost all of the work in creating most of the Kimblee kids. I wanted Ryan to be more of a badass. Top originally have Rhys personality, and for Rhys to be more like Kimblee, with a mix of Ryan and Genvias personality. But no, he didn’t turn out that way. Hell, I did most of the work in creating the main kids for each family, Zac and Sean, Calista and Charlton, Rhys and Ryan. I came up with the name Bianca, though I haven’t put much work into that one. Yes, I am feeling bitter, I don’t give a fuck.

So, back to my first RP kids ever. I did a 'what if' after seeing a movie – Mr Mom it was, and then took that one step further and took Kimblee and Roy and turn them into girls.

Then I stuck Ria my first ever Fem!Roy – into a loveless marriage of convenience and blackmail to Archer, then pulled in Kimberly, my Fem!Kimblee and made her my archers mistress that he loved.

From Ria and Archer came their only son, Leonidas. Cold hearted, cruel, manipulative, bastard, emotionless and a fucking good liar. All of that comes from the fact that his mother doesn’t love him, hates his father and his father only sees him as a tool to shape and mold into the next fuhrer – and his official Heir.

From Kimmy and Archer came Ceres – a spoilt brat, two years younger than Leon. She gets what she wants and she hates her half brother, calling him cold and cruel. In return, Leon hates her and thinks that shes not worth his fathers love. And then Zeicha came along, three years younger than Leon. Hes the baby of the bunch and is spoilt, though he is kind and compassionate, though his father wants him to be ruthless as well. His mother wants him to be able to detach himself. Leonidas just wants to screw his perfect brother into the ground. after all, back in June, i didnt believe that those three could EVER raise normal children.

But yea, there my first RP kids and yes, I have the data file in my note book. I typed that up word for word. Ill scan it it in if you don’t believe me.

Their who I want to start an RP com for. And I want an Archer RPer and a Kimblee RPer that can do them, both would be better, but if they could take a parent a kid, it would be even better. And if there are those that have pairings with an Archer in then or what ever, then we could make then live together.

…. But, its not going to happen as I have this RPer that’s possessive to the point where its stiffing me and my creativity. *Sighs* im not even sure if I love them like they love me.

Have you ever thought that you love someone, but your not sure, not sure if what you feel is love, or just lust? That’s what im feeling, confusion over my feelings. And im fucking afraid to talk to her about them so im spamming and rapping F-lists with my drama. That I refuse to cut. Im just being a bitch. Mostly as im having a bad week. A VERY bad week.

I think that the rout of all this is stemming from the fact that I don’t feel good enough. Not good enough to hold only to anything good,. Like the house. We – my sister Zoe, Chris and I rent this place, and we just found out – in the last fucking four days, that its been sold. So I might be moving back to live with my mum = that I do not wanna do. Shes a fucking conservative, with stupid ass views on what reg working hours are, is against me being bi, is against me working night shifts and is a bitch, and to make matters worse, we both clash.

I don’t wanna move and I pry to go that I don’t have to, that the ones that bought the house are investors and well let us stay here for the 12 mth lease and then give us another lease. I like it here, I want to live here, I like living on my own, without parents in my life. Free to be myself and stay up to when ever I want.

Life is so fucking unfair and I hate it. And I will admit that it makes me want to get out my trusty pocket knife and start to cut my arms again. Yea, im a cutter, im a damned cutter and I know that ill be going to hell or whet ever the fuck there is after life.

As after all, i am just a spastic. an Autistic girl like me would never be good enough for all the good things in life that others get, huh? Don’t deny it, I see it in the eyes of the world every day. The world scorns those that are different, and I hate it! I hate the ignorance of what its like to live with Aspergers syndrome, what its like to live a life, knowing that your different, knowing that there are ppl out there that see you as retarded, even if you are bright and smart and clever. And you do the fucking best that you can.

I know that I never had perfect grades, I know that my fucking personal hygiene ain’t the best, but I try. I try and try and try and when the light is in my grasp, it’s yanked away from me cruelly,

God, I hate life and yet I don’t wanna die. after all, I have to much life and love in me to give up. Give up on this world just yet. After all, I wanna show up the world that would cast me out into the dirt and trod on me .

So now, im going to log off, work on my art and work on my novel.

I don’t feel like logging onto MSN or AIM. After all, if I do, ill just end up ranting and raving all the more, and I don’t wanna be a burden to those that I know.

Oh, and if your going to just flame for not cutting this, then I don’t give a fuck. You can go eat your flames and charboil yourself.



Apr. 1st, 2007 04:32 pm
broken_envy: (Default)
yanked from [profile] goldphish_bowl

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), innovative (71%), adventurous (69%), greedy (69%).

Old Geezer83%
Punk Rock73%
Emo Kid67%
Life Experience

Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 68% of the time.
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 77% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated G.
By the way, your hottness rank is 50%, hotter than 72% of other test takers.

brought to you by thatsurveysite


Apr. 1st, 2007 05:38 pm
broken_envy: (Default)

Just a smallish drabble thing that bunnied off my pet OT3 of Archer/Roy/Kimblee.

Fem!Archer bunnied from [profile] tomoe_daeva   and [profile] inomuiro   's respective art and in [profile] inomuiro   's case, random chatish comments about yuri and what not. the Arts bunned from [profile] inomuiro   and chat comments that can be found Right at the end of the comments. ^___^;;;
oh, and there might be OOC too. im not sure, and my Fem!Archers name is Francine.

Cross posted at [personal profile] schlachtfeld

WARNING:  Boobs and the head of a cock. >___> so, not worksafe.
Cross posted to [personal profile] schlachtfeld and to<a href="http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/275288/">My Y!Gal account</a> for the middle pic   

broken_envy: (Default)


AN ARCHER WITH HIS HAIR ALL RUFFLED THAT IS. *dead* and the pics i took are too dark. *pouts*


broken_envy: (Default)

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